


Strawberry Spider - A not so RadioDust Small Tale

by Edward_Goat_Walls



Series: Straberry Spider - A Hazbin Hotel Crackfic [1]
Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:20:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28060803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Edward_Goat_Walls/pseuds/Edward_Goat_Walls
Summary: Angel Dust comes back from a long night at the brothel, but is stopped by a very sweet scent coming out of the kitchen, This will trigger a series of Events that eventually leads to the grossest scheme you can think of.
Relationships: Alastor & Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel), Alastor/Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel), angel dust - Relationship
Series: Straberry Spider - A Hazbin Hotel Crackfic [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2055564
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	1. LONG NIGHT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angel Dust comes back from a long night at the brothel, but is stopped by a very sweet scent coming out of the kitchen, WHAT KIND OF CATASTROPHE AWAITS HIM!?

It is a beautiful morning in the Hazbin Hotel, everything is clean and tidy as always, the Bar is flooding with drool and booze from Husk’s everyday night drinking spree, and the kitchen is sizzling and bubbling with delicious treats our one and only deer daddy cooks every morning to ease his impulse of ripping everyone’s hearts out and serve them on a plate.

Angel Dust opens the main door, coming from a heavy night at the brothel, craving for a bath to wash off all of the bodily fluids covering his shoulders, but is stopped by the smell of sugar coming out of the Kitchen, accompanied by bubbling sounds and pot cracking.

As he’s walking towards the kitchen, he makes a quick detour to grab some malt beer from the countertop, flinching a small bit as Husk moves his arms only to fall asleep again. He pops the can open and drinks his way to the kitchen, where he peaks through the small gap of the slightly opened door, watching Alastor stirring a rather tiny pot in the kitchen while wearing a black apron.

Angel kept staring at how Alastor moved for a moment, but at the same time noticed how much of a mess the kitchen was, yet Alastor looked relatively clean himself, not even his apron looked that much dirty, which made him take a peek at his current clothing, still very much stained, and had to be probably burned to get everything out of it. He pushed that thought away and glanced back at Alastor, but where was he? Before he could start to search him with his multiple eyes, he felt something on his shoulder.

“ANGEL---” said Alastor as Angel pushed the door to enter the kitchen, only to face plant himself in it because you had to open it the other way. Alastor’s eyes opened at the sight “CAREFUL NOW ANGIE, YOU ARE NO… JUMPING SPIDER” said the Radio fucker as he queued a laugh track. “Oh my fuck” said angel as he grabbed his non-existent nose, while Alastor kneeled and approached a spoon over to angel. “What the hell is that?” said angel wiping his tears off. “STRAWBERRY JAM, YOU WERE HUNGRY WEREN’T YOU? OTHERWISE WHY WOULD YOU BE PEEKING THROUGH THE KITCHEN DOOR?” said the Deer Jackass as he played a clumsy saxophone track waiting for Angel’s response.

Angel had opened his mouth halfway through before asking “Wait, how do I know you didn’t put anything in it?”. Alastor rolled his eyes and proceeded to eat the spoonful of jam, putting the spoon back in a tiny jar and giving it to angel. “BREAKFAST WILL BE READY IN 10 MINUTES, DON’T BE LATE” said the Smartass Demon as he Snapped his fingers, Angel then appeared in his dorm room, and got up to take his much needed bath.

**_Epilogue_ **

****

Do not leave your Jam unattended with a toy pig in the room, it will have a tummy ache, and you will have a heart ache.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow hello, I'm actually fairly new to this writing thing, so please bear with my obvious mistakes on gramatic and whatnots. This just sprouted as a joke and quickly became the only thing I've thought about these past 2 days. I was considering whether to post it or not, but my curiosity on "what would ppl outside of my close circle of friends think?" was the final push I needed.
> 
> So here you go guys, You can click on the second part now (if u want that is u kno like w/e)


	2. Small Problem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Breakfast is ready but something's missing, guess we'll have to eat the cat instead!

Seven in the morning seems to be awfully early to have breakfast for some people, but Deer hubby actually thinks Six in the morning is a much more ideal since he knows everyone goes to sleep really late hearing his induction on “how to cook legs any way”, despite the fact that no one’s allowed into the kitchen except for him, and Nifty, but just because she leaves the kitchen as smoothly clean as your boyfriend (not).

He usually spawns a small shadow on everyone’s room that repeats his awfully unfiltered voice, each morning the same exact message: “MORNING EVERYONE, BREAKFAST IS READY, REMEMBER TO COME FAST IF YOU DON’T WANT TO GET EATEN”. Given the fact that is a pre-recorded message, one would assume that was a typo on the script, but when has Al made a mistake like that? So Angel gathered strength and quickly dragged himself to the dining hall, making Vaggie trip on him in the process.

Charlie had arrived early and was laying some extra napkins when she turned to the Dining room door only to be dumbfounded and amused by the sight of Vaggie Carrying a half asleep Angel and dumping him on the nearest chair. As they were sitting down, Vaggie quickly said “You’ll get your chance later”, Charlie Smiled and Clapped to herself in joy. Nifty was already sitting on her table, as woke as ever, ordering and changing the placing of her cutlery every now and then.

By that Time, Internet proclaimed Sex God had arrived at the table, and started counting heads, noticing Wings Mcfluff was missing, and as Much as he liked the idea of stirfried cat with bread, he quickly ordered his shadows to bring him to the table.

“HELLO EVERYONE” shouted Al making Angel snap into the physical realm and making Nifty’s neck turn so quickly you could hear the snap a meter away. “TODAY WE HAVE A VERY SPECIAL DISH, THAT I’M SURE NO ONE HAS HAD IN A WHILE, GIVEN ITS RARENESS IN THIS OUR IMMORTAL REALM!”. Alastor had begun to put his hand on the tray top when he was interrupted by a small giggling that turned into a full laught, as Vaggie slapped the table. “W-WHAT’S SO FUNNY?” said Wattpad Award Winner Alastor the Deer Demon with a legitimate expression of worry in his face. “What’s that on your apron?” Said Vaggie as she wiped the tears of her face. Alastor had just finished cooking and had forgotten to take off his apron, which had written in a HandDeco font, all capital letters: “Don’t touch me Motherfucker”.  
  
“Isn’t that language a little bit too ‘icky’ for you?” said Number 2 Lesbian in the House Vaggie. “WHAT DO YOU MEAN?” replied Alastor as he nervously reached for his back and untied his apron. “You know? Motherfucker? That’s a really bad word for you gringos”. Alastor was dumbfounded by this, and stared at Vaggie for a while. “IS IT?”. “YES, yes it is, don’t tell me you didn’t know, you’re older than me! By plenty of years!”.

“I JUST THOUGHT OF GETTING IT DONE AFTER SEEING THAT” said Al as he was pointing at Angel’s pajama shirt, which clearly read in Impact font: “MOTHERFUCKER”.

****

****

. . . . .

****

After that was cleared up, Alastor finally unveiled the main dish of today’s breakfast: Burnt Toast.

“Wait, you amped us up for burnt toast? I eat that every day at the brothel!” said Angel Crossing his arms in disappointment. “WHY YES, BUT THIS BREAD DOESN’T HAVE PANTRY MOTH RESIDUE” said Alastor while queuing a short laugh track. “NOW ANGEL, CARE TO PASS THE JAM?”

Angel froze “The Jam? Wasn’t that for me?”. Alastor’s eyes closed slightly “ANGEL I CANNOT AFFORD TO MAKE MORE JAM THAN THAT, GIVEN THE SIZE OF THE CURRENT POTS. I GAVE YOU ALL OF IT”. Charlie turned to Alastor raising an eyebrow “What do you mean? There’s plenty of pots in the kitchen, and I know because I stol—BORROWED most of them from my parent’s house”.

“CHARLIE DEAR THERE’S ONLY 2 POTS IN THE KITCHEN, A SMALL ONE AND AN EXTRA SMALL ONE, AND OF COURSE THE FRYING PAN, WHICH IS EVEN SMALLER” said Al-“Don’t fuck with me”-astor as his static began to be heard loudly. “Wait what? That can’t be right, there’s at least 3 pots of every size!” said Charlie moving her arms frantically in the air. “Heh weird right?” said a smoky voice, which made everyone’s heads turn to husk, who hadn’t spoken during the entirety of breakfast. Visibly shaken by that, he nervously took a sip of his tea cup, which had in fact, no tea in it, but rum is the same color right?

“HUSKER, ANYTHING YOU WANT TO SHARE WITH THE CLASS?”. Before he could say anything, a giant shadowy hand reached behind his seat, grabbing him and putting him between Alastor and Charlie. “CHARLIE MY DEAR, HAVE I TOLD YOU HOW MUCH CAT TASTES LIKE HARE?”.

“ALRIGHT, I’ll talk. Follow me” said husk as he began walking out of the room and towards the bar. Everyone followed along, except nifty who stayed a bit to gather all of the plates and dumping them on the kitchen sink, even this tickled her curiosity enough to postpone washing the dishes. Husk finally stopped at a door behind the bar fridge, and opened it to reveal a room full of Pots, filled to the top with brown liquid and sealed with plastic wraps.

“You’re making your own Liquor!?” said Angel Dust trying to contain his smile as he felt the cold glare of Vaggie behind his shoulder. “Why? You already get to drink the whole bar already, why do you need more? maldito vicioso!” said You know who. “You can only get so drunk with cheap booze, this is my special mix, it’s guaranteed to ferment into a beverage containing 90% alcohol” said husk hugging one of his pots while drooling.

“I mean, I won’t oppose as you’re not spending any of the Hotel’s budget, but did you have to use our Pots?” said Charlie. “What are you even fermenting?” asked angel inspecting the pots.

“Some strawberries and some of your clothes”  
“YOU WHAT!?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So after the first part that I wrote, I began to ask myself "Why did Alastor made all of that jam just for angel?". He didn't, and that's how we ended up with this MESS.
> 
> I'm pretty sure this ain't the last part I'm gonna write from these, so I'll see you again soon!


End file.
